Synopsis

The devil realizes that he's anachronistic and wants to get back in touch with the world. Not having a clue how to approach this, he asks one of the "fresher" souls to get in touch. The chosen soul happens to be a classical introvert engineer and eventually points him to Tinder as a way to "meet people". The interactions are disastrous.

Initial universe

• Hell is actually not that bad. They ran out of cauldrons to boil souls in and they just have a one hour per day in which everybody has to "wail" to keep up appearances
• The devil is has revamped hell once already and it now looks like a 60s corporation. Read clipboards, meetings, drinking and inappropriateness
• All engineers go to hell. God calls them "argumentative know it alls" and wants nothing to do with them

Side stories

The devil suggests he could let the engineer roam the world for a day as an incentive for helping. The engineer says that's not necessary, he already goes "UP" regularly. You see, he used to work for RLC(Regional Leisure Contraptions) ans level 2 support for their main enterprise product. He gets called back to earth at least twice a week through spiritism sessions hosted by the current employees who have no idea how the product works and do whatever they can to be able to answer customer questions. He gets summoned maybe twice a week, he gets things done, hangs out with the girls in HR, talks to Gerry from accounting about what's been happening in the world. It's actually quite nice.

The first Tinder conversation happens with a bot. The conversation is ... complicated.

The first date is a woman that is between other dates on the same day. She spends the entire time looking at their phone. She provide monosyllabic answers. She gets sent to hell before desert.

The engineer

The meeting was about to ended. All around the long table, the minions were getting up from their chairs and were chattering merily. At the head of the table, the devil looked satisfied with the results. It has been a good hundred years and the numbers looked very good. Under his continued leadership, hell has never looked better. Yet there was something bothering him, something was not quite right.

• "Abaddon, can you please hang back for a moment", he said. "I have something I want to ask. The rest of you are free to go, please take a break, you've earned it".

Abaddon slightly nods and sits back down at his place next to the head of the table. He's puzzled. "What could this possibly be about. Everything went so well", he thinks. When the room is finally cleared:

• "Have you thought about that thing I asked when we last spoke?"

Abaddon hadn't. They reached a conclusion last time that this idea was a bad one and his boss doesn't revisit bad ideas, there are just too many of them. In any case, you can't disappoint your boss, not this one, so he'd better make something up.

• "Yes, Your Evilness, I have. I've been told from a reliable source" it had better be reliable or else, he thinks, "that software engineers are the most knowledgeable people on earth. I believe, strongly, that this is where we should start our search." no sense in suggesting something if you don't believe strongly in it, is there?
• "What are software engineers?" asks the devil leaning back in his chair. "I don't remember their sort back when I was on earth". "This is good" he thinks to himself "we're making progress. I knew putting Abaddon on it was a good idea" he allows a slight smile to spread across his face.
• "They're recent, Your Foulness, I'm not too sure myself. Somebody called them the people that made the world turn, but I can't vouch for that."
• "Did the world stop turning at some point? Did we have anything to do with it?" the devil asks worriedly straitening his posture in his chair.
• "No, sire, it's a figure of speech. I believe it means that they're the most knowledgeable and resourceful people on earth" Abaddon said patiently
• "Ah, I see. So they're a bit like monks then?"
• "They are a bit like monks, Your Foulness. Let me see" Abaddon starts flipping through his flipchart. The flipchart is just for show, of course, but the devil likes things to have a certain decorum. "Ah, yes, here it is: they congregate in small, exclusive groups usually keeping to the same sex and"
• "I love monks!" the devil interrupts impatiently "It's a shame we don't get that many down here nowadays. Do we get many engineers?"
• "I think we get all of them, sire. The man upstairs doesn't like them."
• "Oh?"
• "Yes, he called them..." flips through the notes again for a bit "he called them, and I quote, <<arrogant, know it all, little pieces of shit>>, sire." Abaddon looks up from his notes. "His divine words, sire, not mine."
• "Hmm. In any case" the devil said with a frown "I guess one entity's garbage is another entity's treasure, as the saying goes. Bring me an engineer and let's get this started."